When i'm with you,
I'll make every second count,
'cause i miss you, whenever you're not around..

I talked to clarissa on MSN from 2037 to 2235 hr ytd.
omg, cant believe we have so much to talk about. haha.
I was supposed to accompany her to the doctor today,
but she had this red shirt meeting, and there was no one to
wait with. SO I WENT HOME. Hahaha, Im such a mean person ):
SORRY OKAY ! W0 STILL AIIE NIIEZ ! Hahaha.
Anyway, think shes gonna wear flipflops tomorrow.
I dunno if i should just not go for pe, or change and just slack with her.
haha. Cant believe im stressing over this kind of thing.

Nothing much today.
time cant erase a feeling this strong

Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart,
Gotta pick myself up, where do I start ?
'Cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart..

(This post has been edited! scroll down for more :D)

Clarissa cheong is siao.
First she says im cool, then she says im stupid !

okay, nevermind, cause i WAS stupid, and she
redeems herself by saying that i rock. haha.

okay its 1 am now, and i should go to bed.
Will edit this post tmr.

[edit]

Hi ! Im back to edit this. haha. Okay, so I went to
church in the morning until 1.30 and trained back home
for tuiton at 3. Okay i dont know what to type. Haha.

Oh ! let me tell you what i dont like.
I dont like people who are overly environmentally friendly
cause they make me use 2 sides of the paper! I dont like!
Plus i like to crack syrofoam (sp?) cups, and they dont let me
do it cause it releases CFCs or whatever into the air and
its not good for our our ozone layer or whatever.

Want to know something ?
I DONT CARE.
I apologize if i sound like a spoilt brat or whatever,
but yes. I have tried being eco friendly-ish like using the fan instead
of the air con, and telling the cashier that i dont need a bag cause
i brought mine, but really, after 2 days of air conditionless afternoons,
i felt like i was gonna DIE. I heard from ms vicki koh, that this
family only allows their kids 10 minutes of shower time.

SIAOSIAO.
and i take 10 minutes just to remove my clothes and
step into the shower -_- And anyway, its our kids and
grandkids that are gonna suffer from the radiation thingy
not our generation. And even if its gonna affect our generation,
there are a million other eco freaks out there saving the earth.

okay this post shall end abruptly here.

[/edit]

Imagine a future moment in your life,
where all your dreams come true.
It's the greatest moment of your life,
and you get to experience it with one person.
So who's standing next to you?
-- One Tree Hill

I woke up at 0810 this morning when i actually
planned on waking up at 1030 cause some fucker
was downstairs horning (his car horn) like crazy.
The most annoying part is that he was doing it to some
sort of rhythm -_- it was like, beepbeep-beepbeepbeep-
beepbeep-beepbeepbeep and he did it for such a long time !
I mean, i have nothing against people playing with their car horns,
but must you do it at freaking 8am on a saturday?

-----

I forgot to blog about this yesterday, but i have to
say that Evan is the unluckiest girl in the world.
On thursday, she lost her wallet containing 50 bucks and
two sim cards, and yesterday, she accidentally dropped
the phone she borrowed from felicia into the toilet bowl!
Im not very sure how the phone got there, cause when
i walked into the toilet to find renee, april & evan, they
were alr trying to fish the phone out with some other girls help.

From what renee told me, evan was changing
back into her regular school uniform, and as she was
turning to walk out, she accidentally overturned her skirt
or something and the phone plopped into the toilet bowl.
(she was using the squatting kind.) The back part of the
phone opened up, and the phone's battery was flushed under,
so we couldnt get that out. The sec 5 girls finally managed
to get hold of those clips you use when you hang up your
clothes, and used it to 'clip' the phone out. We washed the phone
(while it was still in between the clip) under tap water cause :

1. No on wanted to touch a phone with
toilet bowl water on it.

2. The phone's already dead, so it doesnt
matter if we wash it.

The hardest part was explaining it to felicia,
but fortunately she didnt mind. Then we went to the
staff room to find mr dominic regarding evan's lost wallet.
As we were talking to him, evan accidentally dropped her
PE attire onto the drain part of the parade square &
when she picked it up, it was covered in chewing gum
and she got it all over her legs and culottes (sp?)
Poor girl, she looked like she was gonna cry ):

Accompanied her to the girls toilet to wash up while
April and Renee headed to the general office to see if anyone
had found and returned evan's wallet. (it wasnt there.)

I empathize with her plight and all, but i really dont
know what i can do to help.

Digressing, I hate people who tell me,
"Why didn't you finish your food? Why don't you eat your onions?
Do you know how fortunate you are? People in Africa pray for onions!"
My reply would be this: "Whether I force myself to eat the onions or
throw them away, the Africans would still be famished.
I shall choose the latter."

Totally no connection. Stupid people.

What exactly is a broken heart?

A broken heart is forcing yourself to hang up that phone after you have dialed the first three digits to his phone number. A broken heart is the cold shattering feeling you receive when you hear his name. A broken heart is when you are crying yourself to sleep every night. A broken heart is glancing at the pictures of the two of you, and then quickly turning your attention to something else, to avoid your tears. A broken heart is screaming and begging for a second chance inside. A broken heart is the emptiness and heart-wrenching feeling you encounter when you see him with his new girlfriend. A broken heart is knowing that no matter what you do or say to yourself, you can't fool your heart into believing that you will in fact "be alright." A broken heart is listening to that one song that makes you break down,over and over again.

A broken heart can simply mean... not wanting to go on.
Hmm, nth much today as well, just that
clarissa made me wait so damn long cause she had
some prefect meeting thingy! haha, so annoying leh!
Headed to whitesands, and i finally got my hot fudge sundae!
haha, that made me soooo happy.

I kinda like the long hours on Wednesday & Thursday.
I have to study more, but i get to catch up with clarissa
during lessons and lunch breaks. Plus i got more chances to
see ( ) also. Haha, let me seeeeee : Morning assembly, during recess,
after recess, during lunch, after lunch and after school !
haha yay.

Anyway.

My mum called me and it turned out that she was at
whitesand as well, so i asked her if she could fetch me home,
so i wouldnt need to walk. Bad choice. She was SO IRRITATING!
omfgz just stfu will you ? i should have walked home instead.

oh jeez i just realised i have chinese tuition tmr.
so boringzxszzzzzzzzzzz.

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses her blanket
But Ive got to get a move on with my life,
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry..

fuck.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YEETEEN (:

I feel like ripping all my hair off.
But i wont do it, cause i took an effing long time to grow it out.

stupid photobucket keep having "short" mantainences.
I have to refresh like a million times to upload my pics _|_

(quiz removed.)

Nothing much today.

117 days till you walk out of my life.

If i had one chance to hug you, I'd never let go.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOEE :D

My head's throbbing,my throat feels like sandpaper, my nose is running
away from me,my whole body feels like its on fire, & i FEEL LIKE SHIT.
(clarissa said she'll kill me if i even THINK about going home halfway. so mean.)

Many thanks to her for taking my moodswings and listening to me
obsessing about ( ) today. Bet i bored her to death. hahaha. Anyway,
we decided to go down and talk about our blogshop plans over drinks
during lunch. She's such a babe for queuing with me, cause i swear
i thought i was gonna faint!!!!!!!!!!! i was so effing jittery, but she forced
me to stand in line anyway. haha, and she helped me keep a lookout ^^
OMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGSOOOOOOOEFFINGNERVOUS.

You know, i wonder why god keeps throwing him in my way
just as i feel like giving up. And when i change my mind,
*poof* he's gone. -_-"

I walked the long way home today, and I spent that time thinking about alot of things. The most minor thought being the overwhelming amount of (incomplete) homework and projects that are due on friday. I thought about how i used to be able to answer immediately when someone
asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up.

I would happily rattle off my latest achievements, like how i got full marks for my ting xie or something, then i would tell them my entire life plan. I would get 240 for my PSLE, enter NgeeAnn Secondary, get good grades there, enter the committee for whatever CCA i planned to join. Come O'levels, i aimed to get 15 points or less and get into Temasek Poly, then NUS. I would get my driving licence at 22, graduate from uni at 25, get married at 26, have kids at 28. Then they would smile and say i would be successful in life.

I wonder what happened to that plan -_-
I only had 217 for my PSLE, cause i couldnt be bothered to study.
I ended up in coral sec, and in a sucky stream where i still cant be
bothered to study. I quit my CCA (band) so that committee thingy
wont work for me. I dont even study, so that 15 points thingy wont
work either, much less get into temasek and NUS. I dont even have
an admirer much less a boyfriend, and i dont think i will ever get married.

Or have kids.

I guess the only thing that i can actually achieve is the licence part.
But considering my luck i'd probably fuck that part up too.

Successful in life my ass. Even my family looks down on me -_-

Anyway, after i reached home (5+), I did the laundry and cooked dinner for myself. (yes, i cook and do housework. whoever marries me (IF i ever get married) will live a damn good life pls.) Anyway, it was drizzling so i stood at my (okay, my aunt's. I dont even have a house. jeez.) balcony cause it was really cooling. While i was standing there, i couldnt help wondering what he was doing at that moment.. -_- stupid stupid stewpid.

Then i remembered this thing i saw on one of the tables
in the history room during POA lesson :

I'm not supposed to love you,
I'm not supposed to care.
I'm not supposed to live life,
wishing you were here.
I'm not supposed to wonder,
where you are, or what you do.
I'm sorry, i cant help myself,
caue I'm in _ with you..

Haiya, I feel so sick of waiting and waiting and knowing nothing will happen.
(of course nothing would happen. what was i thinking -_-)
Giving up now,or 118 days later wouldn't make any difference,would it ?
But yet i keep telling myself to hold on a lil longer. I dont know why.
I am so shallow (& dumb).

I just realised i spent 2 hours 19 minutes on this post.

& I homework to complete.
toodles~

I dont know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too.

i have so much to say yet i dont know how to say it. -_-
saw this on clarissa's blog, and i totally agree with it:

Love is when you shed a tear and still want him,
it's when he ignores you and you still love him,
it's when he loves another girl
but you still smile and say,
I'm happy for you,
when all you really do is cry..

ukfkdshfsdfisajoifjoidjoiidsfdsjfkdsjflkdsnkjsnvkjs87wf09w
i want to die (figuratively).
kill me pls.


fuck la im falling deeper and deeper and i have to bloody stop myself
before i cannot climb out. You know sometimes you feel so restless
and so-not-right when you dont see someone, and when you finally
catch a glimpse of him,even if its for a few seconds, you'll feel like
everything is perfect for that few seconds and you'll get that kind of
satisfied feeling (: Then you realise he'll never ever know abt your feelings for him.
and you know that school if for learning new stuffs/building your future etc,
and not for seeing someone. O levels are next year, i cannot let myself
get distracted by such things. On second thought, i dont think i will.
cause he'll be gradutaed by then, and will prolly forget abt me
(if he actually even knows im alive for a start).
And i dont fancy any sec-5-in-2009 guys or any in my level (sec3),
so i have nothing to look forward to when i go to school next year.
SO SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i think i should be a lesbian, so i dont have to deal with such problems.
i feel fucking dumb right now cause i keep hanging on even though i tell
myself again and again that nothing will ever happen between us. its all my fault
for being so idiotic cause i interpret too much and i give myself false hopes.
i keep telling myself to give up, but i canoooooott! howhowhow!
huh. i think i should just enjoy myself this remaining four months.
THEN i'll move on. how's that ?
i feel so much better now. not.
haiiiiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
SO ANNOYING I HATE IT WHEN I HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE.
oh. please dont ask who it is cause i will never ever tell you guys.
only ___ knows about it and she knows who she is <3
(:

[edit]MY MUM KEEPS OPPOSING WHAT I SAY SO FUCKING ANNOYING IF EVERYTHING I DO IS WRONG THEN YOU GO DO YOURSELF LAH KNNBCCB.[/edit]

Absence makes the heart grow fonder..

FIRST DAY OF SKO0LZXS!
yay, haha. was almost late thanks to april and renee.
they arrived at 8.24am when school starts and 8.25am -.-
on the way to the parade square (at 8.24am according to the
new bigass digital clock mounted on the wall) i was like,
pls-dont-ring-pls-dont-ring-pls-pwease-pl0x-not-now-pleaseeeee
-_-

Didnt have lessons on our first day ! shiok !
half of poa lesson was spent on attire checks, & the other
half was spent going to the history room and laughing openly
at ms goh's attire. she had to teach pe, so she was wearing tshirt,
shorts and shoes, instead of heels and all that. she says we're mean.
haha. Then core geog (i keep typing geong).
ms vicki koh's pregnant (again-.-) so there will be a relieve
teacher taking over! oh man, i like ms koh! i hope the teacher
taking over is ms svlyn(sp?) koh! i dont want a slacky teacher, heh.
anyway, most of the lesson was spent on reflections, and
water/electricity conservation methods.
dont really have to listen, just stone. hahaha.

then recess.
couldnt eat much cause of my damned braces.
they have new drinks! iced milo @ $0.50! haha,they also sell
ice cream after school i think. im starting to like this drink stall!
couldnt eat the cone though, cause (what's new?) of my braces.
new teacher for chem as well, cause mdm huda just gave birth to a
baby boy. Anyway, mr suffian's taking over,and i think he's quite okay la.
i remember him clearly, cause the first time he stepped into 3/1 in term 2,
he slipped on this empty plastic thingy and almost fell.
his expression was a classic. Amanda the gorilla couldnt stop laughing -.-
Chinese lesson in the library,spent the whole lesson talking to clarissa.

Met renee & april after school, and hung around whitesands,
to wait for evan, cause she wanted to make her ic.
popular>toilet>7-11>macdonalds>mrt.
by the time we met evan, it was alr 4.
me and renee had to bring our hot fudge sundaes up to
the mrt cause we couldnt finish it. And being the *ahem*
law-abiding citizen that i am,i refused to eat my sundae on
the train,so april ate like 3/4 of the thing for me.
haha. anyway, reached there, crapped alot.
and renee and april got addicted to the marble madness
game on my cell. its this game where you have to tilt the
phone around to get to the finishing point.
(my phone has a motion sensor, so yeh) (hahaha, showoff!)

so now im home blogging when i should be catching
up on my homework. and i still have to find someone
to help me print my lemonade tycoon screenshot for poa.
-_-

Huh, thought i'd already gotten over you . guess not.. jeez,why am i so LIKE THAT
when i alr know for sure that nothing will happen ? haiyoooooo alyssa alyssa
please stop please please stop before you get yourself hurt again.-_-

A : Eh, outside got chiobu.

Kevin runs out.

K: cb, you call that chiobu?! I rather hide at home than face her.
Havent even chinese new year why the pig come out sia.
I dont wanna eat ba kua yet. Ask her scam home lah!
Dont come out scare people.
A : Very mean leh you.

Girl speaks to friend.

K : OMG she sounds like a man. Eh you hungry anot.
Outside got ba kua for you to eat.

& he said every single word loud & clear! (so mean,haha)
first day of school tomorrow. cant wait, cause i can see everyone again :D

"A lot of people are afraid to ask for what they want.
that's why they don't get what they want." -madonna

couldn't sleep last night so i started thinking my self to sleep.
realised i couldn't have my lip piercing cause of my braces,
decided to change to a vertical labret piercing, cause it goes vertically
through your lip, and not the area below the chin, so it wont
touch my braces. decided it would look extremely weird with braces.
then decided to do it when in 17 and a half when my braces come off.
finally decided on a nape piercing. if i cant tattoo that area,
(looks ugly on my wedding day,when i go to work,how to hide,etc etc)
then at least i can pierce it so at least its removable eh.

also had a weird dream last night, jot down before i forget.
started with vanessa hudgens (gabriella from hsm) at this really
beautiful place saying that it was her favourite place or whatever.
i dunno why i was friends with zac efron (troy form hsm)
but we got off a helicopter at that place and felt this really
strong wind (not from helicopter) blowing on my face.
the water was a really deep blue and there were like really
colourful plants growing all over and there was a waterfall,
plus the area was kinda like divided by two. one side was windy,
and the other side was quiet. Saw vanessa there and said hi, she
introduced herself as zac's girlfriend,and i said i didnt know zac
had a girlfriend. we became kinda like good friends. ended
the day with watching the sunset there. throughout the whole
dream, was trying to figure out where/what exactly that
place was, and decided that it was in america. trying to
figure out what state in america it was in, when suddenly,
harding university popped into my head. Since some of my
church friends go to harding, i decided that place i was in, is in texas.

went home and my mum said we were leaving tomorrow.
was really sad and wanted to wake up really early the next day
to watch the sunrise with vanessa and zac at that place.
My mum then said i could come back here in a few years time
to study at harding if i wanted to. she would buy a house
and i could live here instead of the dorms which are kinda dangerous.

Then i woke up i think. cant really remember much.
the dream was like super duper wooper clear.
why did harding university keep popping up ?
does that mean im gonna study there or what ?
and where is the real location of that place ?
does it really exist ? cause its really beautiful!
and why was i friends with zac and vanessa ?
am i gonna be (wishful thinking) famous or what ?
hahaha omg i really wanna know what my dream means!
(or if it actually doesnt mean anything at all ?)

HAH.

Random pictures i havent uploaded yet first :























mkay, done.
anyway, i got my hair done today, and my head feels so much lighter now!
back when it was thick and butt length,my head felt it was tilting backwards,
now i feel like my head could float. hahaha.

Church Camp:









joel and kun being gay with tab's hoodie + kun sitting on his pa's lap.
-_- Both 17 but still act like 7 . hahaha.
anyway, we've decided to start characters in maple's new world,
called eridanus or something. Im gonna be a priest,joel's gonna be a xbow man,
and kuns gonna be a fire/poison mage. haha.
our igns ? FarQLa,FarQwilly,FarQWhiney. (guess who's who!)
but there are still ks-ers in that new world.
typical -.-

anyway, back to church camp.









































and back home.

I get my hopes up,
but i watch them fall, everytime..

i got my pay! but its last day of work today ):
ohman, im so gonna miss everyone, esp eileen and samantha jiejie, and
the french guys. plus the well stocked pantry, and the food below the singtel building.

Met gil and joan at 8am as usual, and trained down to somerset.
everything was normal before lunch, but after that,
me and joan went crazy -.- we sang songs from high school musical,
and made up songs about prince caspian's balls.
and how lost them in spain and went all over the world to find a suitable replacement,
and finally found the polar bear's balls the most comfy -.-
all sang to the tune of kelly clarkson's because of you.
and eileen had to beep us and tell us to keep it down, cause
she could hear us in the next room. oooops :x

I made a mess over at our side. me and joan were like in a pigsty -.-
hahah, i left a ton of plastic bags and paper and huge cardboard boxes
around, and we could hardly see the ground. hahaha, so funny !
oh and eileen got us gummies and keropok as motivation to keep
on working. so nice right! we hardly went into the pantry.
and we agreed grapefruit gummies are the most disgusting flavour .

im going to malaysia tomorrow, so seraphina david will take my place.
Oi, sera, you owe me one hor ! i indirectly gave you my 50 bucks per day!
oh mannnn, i will miss everyone there ! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
pictures will be up along with the malaysia trip ones.
cause joan has yet to send me the pics.

the train journey home was very dramatic.
first of all, we saw merlissa and her sis at city hall while waiting for the train.
apparently they went to see the bangbangtang guys.
the train arrived and we (gil,joan,me) boarded. there was no space
so merl decided to wait for the next one.
then this indian man squashed against joan, and pushed everyone in.
something happened & i shall not elaborate, cause it was damn disgusting.
we decided to alight at bugis to get the next train, cause joan was feeling uncomfortable.
boarded the next train and saw merlissa in there -.-
headed over and talked and talked until we reached tampines.
merlissa is like crazy over this bangbangtang guy called aujun or smth.
shes like, "omg, he held my hand !" "omg, he looked at me!"
siaosiao.

met my mum and had dinner at hans.
then went to montip to get my tragus ring. (clarissa! i bought alr!)
haha. i have to reach church at 6.30 am tomorrow to get on the coach.
so irritating, i dont feel like going lor.
but my mum/youth ldr will prolly force me to go.
tmd, i want to go work,earn $/go out with my friends one leh!
now i have to spend 3 days away from singapore !!!!!!

fucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklah
fucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklah
fucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklah
fucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklah
fucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklah
fucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklah
fucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklah
fucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklah
fucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklah
fucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklahfucklah

anyway.
i will get the work pics to put here plus the malaysia pics if any.
okay. now i really dont wanna go ):
I WANNA GO SKATEPARK AND SEE SKATERBOYS!
I WANNA GO OUT WITH MY SMEXY BABES !!!
I WANNA STAY IN SINGAPORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I DONT WANNA GO CHURCH CAMP!
SOMEONE SAVE ME PLS. ):