If i had one chance to hug you, I'd never let go.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOEE :D

My head's throbbing,my throat feels like sandpaper, my nose is running
away from me,my whole body feels like its on fire, & i FEEL LIKE SHIT.
(clarissa said she'll kill me if i even THINK about going home halfway. so mean.)

Many thanks to her for taking my moodswings and listening to me
obsessing about ( ) today. Bet i bored her to death. hahaha. Anyway,
we decided to go down and talk about our blogshop plans over drinks
during lunch. She's such a babe for queuing with me, cause i swear
i thought i was gonna faint!!!!!!!!!!! i was so effing jittery, but she forced
me to stand in line anyway. haha, and she helped me keep a lookout ^^
OMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGSOOOOOOOEFFINGNERVOUS.

You know, i wonder why god keeps throwing him in my way
just as i feel like giving up. And when i change my mind,
*poof* he's gone. -_-"

I walked the long way home today, and I spent that time thinking about alot of things. The most minor thought being the overwhelming amount of (incomplete) homework and projects that are due on friday. I thought about how i used to be able to answer immediately when someone
asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up.

I would happily rattle off my latest achievements, like how i got full marks for my ting xie or something, then i would tell them my entire life plan. I would get 240 for my PSLE, enter NgeeAnn Secondary, get good grades there, enter the committee for whatever CCA i planned to join. Come O'levels, i aimed to get 15 points or less and get into Temasek Poly, then NUS. I would get my driving licence at 22, graduate from uni at 25, get married at 26, have kids at 28. Then they would smile and say i would be successful in life.

I wonder what happened to that plan -_-
I only had 217 for my PSLE, cause i couldnt be bothered to study.
I ended up in coral sec, and in a sucky stream where i still cant be
bothered to study. I quit my CCA (band) so that committee thingy
wont work for me. I dont even study, so that 15 points thingy wont
work either, much less get into temasek and NUS. I dont even have
an admirer much less a boyfriend, and i dont think i will ever get married.

Or have kids.

I guess the only thing that i can actually achieve is the licence part.
But considering my luck i'd probably fuck that part up too.

Successful in life my ass. Even my family looks down on me -_-

Anyway, after i reached home (5+), I did the laundry and cooked dinner for myself. (yes, i cook and do housework. whoever marries me (IF i ever get married) will live a damn good life pls.) Anyway, it was drizzling so i stood at my (okay, my aunt's. I dont even have a house. jeez.) balcony cause it was really cooling. While i was standing there, i couldnt help wondering what he was doing at that moment.. -_- stupid stupid stewpid.

Then i remembered this thing i saw on one of the tables
in the history room during POA lesson :

I'm not supposed to love you,
I'm not supposed to care.
I'm not supposed to live life,
wishing you were here.
I'm not supposed to wonder,
where you are, or what you do.
I'm sorry, i cant help myself,
caue I'm in _ with you..

Haiya, I feel so sick of waiting and waiting and knowing nothing will happen.
(of course nothing would happen. what was i thinking -_-)
Giving up now,or 118 days later wouldn't make any difference,would it ?
But yet i keep telling myself to hold on a lil longer. I dont know why.
I am so shallow (& dumb).

I just realised i spent 2 hours 19 minutes on this post.

& I homework to complete.
toodles~

I dont know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too.