Always hold your head up high,
Even if on the inside you're about to cry..
Pretend that nothing's wrong at all,
close your eyes before you fall..
If you cant see it, its not there
This is life, and its not fair.

(Wordy post ahead. You can Alt+F4 now or grab a cup of coffee
and make yourself a sandwich.)

Im typing everything from the top of my head so forgive
me for any spelling/grammar/sentence structure error etc.
and also if paragraphs dont seem to link to one another.
keh whutever.
----
The aunt from hell returns. Remember my previous post (Thursday, June 5th)
about how she yelled at me and my mum cause I used her aircon in the daytime ?
Yeh well this time (okay, yesterday) she screamed at my mum cause my mum
forgot to turn off the washing machine switch. Not the power button, the switch
where the washing machine plug is connected to.

Ever since the government told us how turning off all switches when we
aren't using the appliances can save more electricity which in turn can save more
money, she's been obsessing over this matter. I tell you, every single switch in
this house is turned off. Not the power button, the switch where the plug is
connected to. You know what i mean lah. And by 9pm the house is pitch black.

I swear one day im going to turn off the switch to the refrigerator. Then all her
food will go bad. And when she scolds me for doing it, i will tell her that im
trying to help her save electricity. How dare she shout at my mum ?
Who the hell does she think she is ? Even a tenant gets better treatment.
She doesnt like my old maid cause she does a very sloppy job in her opinion.
So my mums hired her (maid) back part time to clean the house and iron
ALL our clothes including my aunt's and guess whos pays her ? My mum, duh.

And people can wait for her, but she cannot wait for people. There was this
time when i was still in lower primary or something. My father came back
from some camp and didnt bathe for like 2 days. So he wanted to take a bath
before we left for lemongrass for dinner. Reasonable right. But noooo she was
so frigging impatient and DROVE OUR CAR OFF TO THE RESTAURANT
FIRST AND ORDERED ALL THE FOOD. BITCH. and we had no transport
so we had to take a cab there. My father ended up not going cause he was so
pissed at her and he told my maid not to " let that woman into our house."
And thats why he still doesnt talk to her to this day.

Also, my mum welcomed her with open arms when she was sick and had
to stay at our place (back then) cause she's single and had no one to take care of
her. My mum let her have the guest room all to herself and use the aircon
practically the whole day but she doesn't appreciate my mum's care
and generosity.

So anw, my mum offered her an extra 100 bucks to shut her up. She (aunt)was
yelling her head off. Fucking scary. My mum was like, " The most i'll pay you more."
And my aunt blew up. " BLOODY HELL ! What are you trying to say? Lets lay it out
on the table right now ! I've been tolerating you and your daughter from day 1.
You makes me so boiling mad!"

She earns about 6k a month as a lecturer at singapore poly, has a side
job as a yoga teacher which gives a an extra 700 bucks, and my mum pays
her 550 a month for a room. She has no husband or children to support
and yet, over this mere 100 bucks she's willing to strain ties with her sister.
This is how stingy and calculative she is.

She has underlying meanings behind all those outbursts okay.
Partly she's mad at my mum cause there was this time not long ago in vietnam
where she was so tired she thought my mum's contact lens box with hers
so she accidentally threw my mum's contacts down the sink. So obviously my
mum indirectly asked her to pay for it, So i guess she wasnt happy lah.
And you are not allowed to outsmart her. She cant stand people who are better
than her. My mum showed her some new yoga poses she could do, and she
didnt realise my aunt couldnt do them, so yes. she got angry all over again.
She's such an unreasonable and mean person I bet she's gonna become
a beggar in her next life. 90% of all her outbursts has something to do with money.
ass.

We might be kicked out soon or something cause my aunt really hates us now.
Anw we have to find a new place to shift to cause my mum cannot stand
this place. I take back every single mean thing i ever said about my mum.

We had this long talk in the car from raffles back home where we both ended
up crying & she told me about how much she hated her job cause of her boss
but she cant quit cause she's old now and companies wouldn't want to employ
people over 40. Her boss knows she needs this job to support me and he uses
it against her. and about how hurt she was cause of the way my dad
treated her, and how hurt she feels everytime someone says,
" like father, like daughter." ( FYI mostof my extended family looks down
on me. and my dad.) She told me to work hard and not let people predict my
future for me.

So, it isn't enough that my parents are not together, my aunt whom i live with
treats me like the devil's spawn, there are people fighting and yelling and throwing
stuff around everyday in this rented hell hole of a house, most of my extended family
look down on me and now hahaha i dont even have a roof over my head. I dont even
know where the fuck im going to stay now. My mum's thinking of buying a house in tampines but guess what we dont have enough cash -_-

Even though money cant buy you happiness it sure as hell
would solve many problems.
-----
I know exactly how it feels to cry in the shower so no one can hear you.
I know what its like to wait for everyone to be asleep so that you can break down,
for everything to hurt so bad you just want it all to end.. I know exactly how it feels.

Adults think that we're supposed to be happy just because we're young.
But they dont see the wars that we fight everyday. One day that war will
end. And i will not die.
- Freedom Writers.

and a completely different topic :

Why would i go on a search again,
when i know what the end will be.
What good is love when it keeps on hurting me

I'm not going through the motions,
waiting and hoping you'd call me,
I'm not missing you.
you might have had me open,
but I must be going 'cause,
I've got life to do.
I know im usually hanging on,
I used to hate to see you go.
but this time, its different,
I don't even feel the distance.
I'm not missing, I'm not missing you.
-Stacy Orrico
------
I dont know if i should cry,laughor get angry etctetc.
Jeez my life's like a fucking drama serial.